I’m happy so what’s wrong with me?

Yes you did read the title correctly I’m happy and I’m panicking about it.

2017 has really been a tough, challenging, life changing and a massive learning experience for me I have to say. This year really didn’t pan out as I initially thought , planned or envisioned and to be fair it’s not completely over yet but wow do i feel different.

I started the year off with a new job, a brand new haircut which I’m struggling to still grow out , I hated my body and basically wasn’t confident. The last few points have been the same for the past few years but this brand new job thing was brand spanking new to me. My previous workplace was my first ever media job and I was there for over three years and changing was a huge YOLO moment for me and I pushed myself and I’m glad I did.

It feels like 2017 has been on fast forward and it has flown by and I had a little moment in the car today and listed everything that has happened this year and I realised something changed in me, scared the crap out of me but something changed. Here’s the lowdown and some snaps of the year, no judgement!

  1. Started at a new media agency in a Manager role working on a demanding client patch
  2. Cut my hair into a Lob then went shorter and shorter until I could no longer put it in a cute bun and I started to look too edgy for my personality, I’m too awkward to function at times, believe me.
  3. Work became a massive part of my life in not such a good way. I was getting up at 5am everyday getting into the office by 7am , not leaving my desk for lunch leaving work for the night around 8pm and by the time i got home showered i was in bed by 11:30 and doing the same thing over and over again …. My body took a toll
  4. Wisdom teeth…. enough said
  5. I started to hate working due to the fact that I didn’t allow myself to have a life and stress took over… I developed anxiety which followed closely with multiple panic attacks on a daily basis to the point that I couldn’t walk.. true story and I always thought people were exaggerating about Panic attacks, they’re not!
  6. Six months into the year I had my ah ha moment I needed to make a change! So i started looking for other jobs , let’s phrase this as a much needed sea change for my health, sanity and my career
  7. I finally caught my break – I received an email on LinkedIn about a Media position based not in the CBD( YES) and was looking to fill the position asap. I applied, interviewed, went through rounds of exams and follow up interviews and got it
  8. My Nonno ( Grandfather) needed to have open heart surgery which would see him in hospital for at least 3-4 weeks. He ended up staying almost 3 months and this took a massive toll on my family.
  9. I’ve been in my new job over 2 months and actually LOVE IT! It’s something completely new to me and I have a life! I’m able to go to the gym, wake up at a decent hour, get home earlier than i did previously, drive to work and it’s challenging me everyday which is great!
  10. I have an amazing support system of family and friends who never gave up on me and I”m eternally greatful
  11. With my new found happiness Ive learnt to accept the fact I wont look like Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner or any Instagram Fitness Blogger I’ll be a little chunky but hey I’m still here
  12. I have started to not care what people think – This has translated into not wearing makeup to the shops on the weekends, creating content for this little blog, going to the gym and trying those new machines which I have no clue how to use, asking questions when I don’t understand what people are talking about and not being afraid of being judged.

Snaps from this 2017 which truely highlight the above

A huge amount of help came from Mia freedman’s book Work, Strife, Balance. I’m not one usually for self help books but I heard Mia speak earlier in the year about her journey and it dawned on me that not everyone has a straight path that they follow, it’s bloody wonky! Her book has helped me understand that’s its okay to change your mind, if you’re not happy do something about it, you can’t have everything in life, be proud of your body and embrace the fact you’re a women and that you can do this!

For me after roughly six months of hating everything, everyone and myself I promised myself I don’t want to get back to that point. So today out of all days I looked down at my frumpy arms , my seriously untoned stomach and random acne spots and said SHUT UP AND BE HAPPY! I freaked out for a moment because this is a brand new feeling that in 24 years I have actually never really experienced. I’m not saying that I’ll be 100% rainbows, positive vibes 24/7 but the cloud above my head has lightened slightly and I need to start embracing it and trying it out rather than freaking out!

I know this such a random piece but it’s been an amazing way to show myself that for all the stress, drama and testing times this year the little positives need to shine and I need to work on that more.